One of my closest friends this week took her child, for the first time, to daycare...and has it been a rough and emotional week for her....and one I remember well.
Almost exactly four years ago (in May) I dropped my little 13 week old, Hannah, off to The St. Charles Child Development Center (CDC) and I cried as I walked in...cried as I walked out...cried as I drove to work...cried as I walked into my office...cried, well, you get the picture. I wasn't completely on-board with this whole "working mom" outside of the home thing. Truth be told, there was several times that first month back at work, I thought about leaving my career and staying home.
But something held me back from that decision....well, a few things really. You see I love my career and am happier b/c of it. Make no mistake, it's hard and there are days that I dislike and would like a "re-do" button. Yet, overall I knew, in my gut, in that first month back at work in May 2008 I am who I am and my career is an integral part of me. AND I knew (again, in my gut) that Hannah would be a happier baby b/c momma was happy.
As women we tend to judge each other as to whether we stay home or work outside of the home....and I'm here to say: there is no perfect choice. Rather, there is only the best choice we, as individuals, need to decide for our families. I have respect and admiration for my friends who stay home full time...but that isn't me. And, my choice isn't theirs...and that is OKAY.
For me, my choice is daycare and I am thankful for the CDC. The structure and lesson plans the teachers have at every level leaves me in awe. I am grateful to them b/c they are teaching my girls and when Hannah tells me about her day she talks about her friends, her teachers and what they did in their classroom during the day.
Someone once asked me if the CDC takes care of my girls like I do...and that answer is no. CDC doesn't replace me, rather, it's an extension of me. I remember one story in particular: Hannah was about 5 months, and Tim was working long hours so I picked her up for school...as I picked her up from her rolling position on the floor, I actually could have sworn she just stared at me blankly, as if to ask, "Who are you?" Well, the waterworks of tears started as soon as I got into my car...In fact, I called Tim and cried about how she didn't seem to care that I picked her up. He, being Tim, chuckled and said: "Sarah she's only five months old and likely just tired. Honey you are her mom and nothing replaces that." And guess what?? He was right. But don't tell him I said that...;)
I am mom and nothing replaces that. The teachers at the CDC are there to TEACH my girls and help them grow as little people. Hannah and CJ look to me to instill values, right and wrong, morals and to lead by example. My girls know I am mom and they know the CDC is a part of their day to teach them, to make new friends, to play and to, well, be kids. In fact, my favorite part of the day is when I now come home to running feet and hearing the words MOMMY come out of their mouths.
Whatever choice we make for our kids, is what's right for our families. And as I get ready for bed, I rest knowing that the choice I have made is the right one for my family.
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