Thursday, May 29, 2014

Running barefoot in Spring

Ironic that I use this title at the END of May when it's really been Spring for several weeks now...but alas we live in Northwest Ohio and the weather is anything but predictable (see below of commentary on this past winter season). And typically Memorial Day weekend marks the start of the "summer season" but yet it's still "spring" for another month anyway!

Let's be honest this winter was brutal...in fact I was just saying to folks today that God OWES us this past weekend and this upcoming weekend after surviving the countless snow days, Level 3s, etc...  but in reality, God doesn't owe us anything, rather, I'm grateful to him for the winter we just had b/c I'm even more appreciative of the Spring and Summer we're having now.  It makes the sun and temps that much more meaningful.

This weekend was gorgeous, wasn't it? Memorial Day was spent outside, grilling out and my two girls running around until past 9 p.m. in the year. We all slept like rocks as we soaked up the sun=)  I love this time of year when the grass is incredibly green, the birds are chirping and the flowers are blooming.  It's simply beautiful!

Throughout the weekend, both H and C ran around in summer clothes and bare feet. It was fun to watch them play carefree and run around with all their toys (including the slip-n-slide!).  Tim and I joked about how we suspect both of them will re-locate to Florida for college and beyond b/c they're definitely summer girls. And Hannah said almost as much: "Mom we love summer and wearing bathing suits and no shoes!" Even at 6 the girl knows what she likes....=) LOL!

I pondered that more as I put them to bed that evening and actually became sad thinking they might leave us one day...then I smiled.  No, not the "wohoo" kind of them leaving but that they have thoughts and dreams of the future. And they know what they like and don't like.  To me, my hope in life is always that my children are healthy, happy and confident. They're on that path and that makes me smile, cry tears of joy and sleep just a little better at night...with one eye open of course!


Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Real beauty in all of us

I finally watched Dove's next "Real Beauty" campaign video as it relates to the FBI sketch artist drawing women as they describe themselves and how others describe them.  WOW, powerful and with it came a powerful message: we are all beautiful.

Let's be honest as women we are our own worst critics.  We tend to fret and obsess over how we look and compare ourselves to others.  And I am no different.  I wish my stomach was smaller, my face less round, my shoulders not soo wide (I think I look like a line backer) and on and
on... Oh and that I actually had a behind...I don't it's flat.

But I love the message Dove is conveying in their latest installment.  We are beautiful. Each of us. And we're unique and original as it should be. (here's the link:  http://youtu.be/XpaOjMXyJGk)

As I sat and watched it, I couldn't help think of my own girls and they're beauty.  I like to think they got the best parts of Tim and I! Right now they have no concept of imperfections...their happy and embrace who they are.  My goal, reinforced by the Dove campaign, is to to strive to have them be just that: be happy with who they are. But I know it starts with me...b/c as their mother they watch me and learn from me. And I'm sure listen to me complain about my outfits or my body or my face, or my....etc!

BUT I'll never be perfect. No one is. So take the pledge with me and say to yourself each and everyday: I am beautiful. Period.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Good will prevail...

Like most yesterday I read and watched in shock what unfolded in Boston and what's now being called an "act of terrorism."  I didn't know anyone personally there but yet I felt a sense of kinship with them b/c one it was the U.S. and for two I'm a runner.  Okay, jogger really...but I know that sense of accomplishment of preparing for a race and wanting to cross the finish line as a symbol of "I did it!"

All of that was changed when two bombs exploded near the finish line within seconds of each other.  Who would do this and why?  Innocent people looking at that line thankful that they made it and did their very best.  Spectators watching their friends, family and complete strangers run 26.2 miles for a personal goal and out of pure enjoyment.

As I sat last night watching Dora the Explorer with my 5 and 2 year olds I was grateful that they were oblivious to the evil...even if for a just a bit longer.  They still believe in a good world and one where evil doesn't exist. As Hannah and Caroline danced around to the songs and laughed with ease at the story, I became more resolute than ever to show them that the World is, in fact, a good place.  Yes, there is darkness in it but Good outweighs...

And as a Nation we come together to help and heal...and through it Good will shine on. In Boston. In Toledo, Ohio and all places throughout these United States of America.


Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Happiness is a choice...

It's been awhile since I last wrote an update....life moves and sometimes there's too much to keep up with.

Yes, that's mostly true for me but I've also been on a journey of self discovery over the last few months and I'm thankful for it.  At the time when I began I wasn't so thankful but today I am more than I can really write.

You see in November I had a panic attack so severe that it sent me into a spiral...down...into darkness.  I had to pull myself up and out but during that process I realized that it wasn't only about pulling myself out of that panic and anxiety but it was about learning who I am. Today.

And who I wanted to be moving forward.

My motto for most of life has been: Life is a Journey. Not a Destination.  And I believe that more than ever.  There are peaks, valleys and thunderous caves throughout it.  But for all the scrapes, bruises and brokeness we may have, there is also sun, laughter and happiness....So I wear my battle scars proudly today b/c it's part of me and who I am...It's my story.

Throughout the last five months, I've come to many realities about my life.....and one of the "biggest" is that happiness isn't a given in life. It's a choice.  And we have to work to be happy with who we are and the lives we have chosen.

For so long I used to thing I deserve happiness like everyone else but now I realize and believe that it's a choice we make each and everyday.  And no I'm not Miss PollyAnna everyday and happy go-lucky.  Like most people I have my good and bad days...but I realize that by choosing to be happier more and more, even on the not so good days, that my life is more meaningful and I embrace my Faith in God and my relationships with others better, deeper.

And I'm grateful for that.  Life will continue to ebb and flow like it's supposed to and however it unfolds, I'm choosing happiness....what about you?

Monday, October 29, 2012

Coming full circle...

Life....it really is like a "box of chocolates and you never know what you're gonna get."  Yes, I realize that's such a cliche line from Forrest Gump...but if you think about it, it's true...I have a blessed life.  I'm so honored to have the family I was born into as well as the family I married into and created.

But there is a hole you see...and that is of my dad, Bob. For the first 24 years of my life, he was there and I was his baby daughter, the youngest girl of FOUR daughters...to say he was outnumbered is putting it mildly.  Many, actually most, say I take after him in many ways and they would be right.  I was close to my dad growing up, while in college and those precious few years beyond when I began my "adult" life.  And I learned a lot from him along the way...and, yes, my love of the New York Yankees came from him (sorry folks but my Yanks will forever be part of who I am!!).

Today, marks 11 years since he's been gone...but not forgotten. Ever.

October 29, 2001: It started out as any other day with work, a routine doctor's visit and then the gym. BUT, as I walked up the stairs that night to my apartment I heard the phone ring. I tried to get in to answer but couldn't in time. Yet, something told me to check the machine right away. What I heard I will never forget: my mom frantic, saying "your dad had a stroke I think and they're taking him to X hospital." Oh My God, I thought as I raced back to the car....I'm sure I drove thru countless red lights and far exceeded the speed limits pretty much the entire way.  I got there just as the ambulance did and with it I saw my dad with a paramedic on the stretcher with him performing CPR. I yelled something to the effect: "Please save him b/c he has to walk me down the aisle."

But alas, Dad was gone...gone b/f he hit the ground I'd learn and no amount of CPR or rescusitation efforts would bring him back.

The aftermath of that night is a blur...but we survived and slowly moved forward.  It's not about moving on b/c you don't ever really move on but Life continues and so must you b/c we are still here on Earth, living, breathing and alive.

And guess what? we learned to live again...and laughter returned.  You see for me laughter is the best medicine.  For laughter really does heal the soul and it's also a window into the soul.

My dad and mom taught me about hard work. Nothing was handed to them in life, rather, they earned it all through hard work and love.  The love they had for each other and for each of us girls. And they taught me what life is about.

As I sit here on the 11th anniversary of his death, I remember the memories, the stories and laughter that was my dad.  Oh and the practical joker who LOVED the 4th of July and spending time with his family.  No parent is perfect but I got pretty lucky with Bob Bednarski as my dad.

To my girls he's their guardian angel but to me he will forever and always be Dad.  So, Dad, if you can read this from Heaven (not sure how the whole Internet craze works up there!), yes I have tears for you and miss you each and everyday but I'm good.  Great in fact.  And thanks for being my dad, confidante and friend.

Now, I think I'll just go grab a beer for you, Dad!




Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Life, Love and all that's in between...

When I first created a blog I had in my mind that I'd post daily, often. Yeah, right.  Life happens and guess what?! I actually am crazed where something has to give and often times it's the one thing I love most...writing.  Not the kind of writing I do daily as part of my career, rather, the kind that lets me get out thoughts and feelings out on paper (or a computer). 

Well, tonight I'm starting again b/c frankly I miss it.  I love writing.  I'm not the world's best writer, but I'm me and well, that's okay.  As I sit here thinking about what to write, of course I'm drawn to what's happening tomorrow....Caroline's 2nd Birthday.

I have tears b/c I don't know where the last two years have went.  I've cherished every moment of them I know but somehow they've still gone by. Fleeting by really.  When I became a mom, I came to know that utterly raw love where you'd do anything for your little person, even run in front of a truck if it meant they were safe.

Yup, that's me.  When CJ came into my life, wow.  I was blown away by how much the love emotion grew and multiplied. 

CJ...she is my defiant, temper tantrum, hot headed two year old. Her smile and laugh makes me instantly light up.  Whenever I'm having a rough day, I think of her and instantly smile b/c she lights up a room....and commands it too all at once!  But that's Caroline.  And I wouldn't change her for anything.

The thing that's funny about her is that she can pull a little prank on you and know it!  I suspect she's going to be my class clown and the one I get called about. A LOT.

But that's okay b/c she's CJ and it's who she is.

As a child growing up I struggled with insecurity.  Who doesn't right?! But my parents always reinforced what an amazing individual I was and that I was uniquely wonderful...because I am Sarah. Well, that's what I want for CJ and Hannah....to be confident in who they are b/c wow, what incredibly little girls they are. (and perhaps a little of that will rub back on me b/c well, I still struggle with it!)

Yes, they're different and that's great! Yet, they also share an amazing bond that only sisters do (kinda an expert on that since I do have 3 sisters myself!). I love how they talk together, Hannah pretends to read CJ books, they watch out for each other and just like being together.  Sure, they fight and hit and push BUT at the end of the day their sisters =)

So, tomorrow, Sept. 27, at 11:02 AM I'm going to smile and remember the day two years ago when Caroline Joanne Hartigan entered the world, screaming and all!!  I love you CJ with all my heart and sole....I am honored and blessed to be your mom.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The Daycare Choice...

One of my closest friends this week took her child, for the first time, to daycare...and has it been a rough and emotional week for her....and one I remember well.

Almost exactly four years ago (in May) I dropped my little 13 week old, Hannah, off to The St. Charles Child Development Center (CDC) and I cried as I walked in...cried as I walked out...cried as I drove to work...cried as I walked into my office...cried, well, you get the picture.  I wasn't completely on-board with this whole "working mom" outside of the home thing.  Truth be told, there was several times that first month back at work, I thought about leaving my career and staying home.

But something held me back from that decision....well, a few things really.  You see I love my career and am happier b/c of it.  Make no mistake, it's hard and there are days that I dislike and would like a "re-do" button.  Yet, overall I knew, in my gut, in that first month back at work in May 2008 I am who I am and my career is an integral part of me. AND I knew (again, in my gut) that Hannah would be a happier baby b/c momma was happy.

As women we tend to judge each other as to whether we stay home or work outside of the home....and I'm here to say: there is no perfect choice.  Rather, there is only the best choice we, as individuals, need to decide for our families.  I have respect and admiration for my friends who stay home full time...but that isn't me.  And, my choice isn't theirs...and that is OKAY.

For me, my choice is daycare and I am thankful for the CDC.  The structure and lesson plans the teachers have at every level leaves me in awe.  I am grateful to them b/c they are teaching my girls and when Hannah tells me about her day she talks about her friends, her teachers and what they did in their classroom during the day.

Someone once asked me if the CDC takes care of my girls like I do...and that answer is no.  CDC doesn't replace me, rather, it's an extension of me. I remember one story in particular: Hannah was about 5 months, and Tim was working long hours so I picked her up for school...as I picked her up from her rolling position on the floor, I actually could have sworn she just stared at me blankly, as if to ask, "Who are you?" Well, the waterworks of tears started as soon as I got into my car...In fact, I called Tim and cried about how she didn't seem to care that I picked her up.  He, being Tim, chuckled and said: "Sarah she's only five months old and likely just tired. Honey you are her mom and nothing replaces that." And guess what?? He was right.  But don't tell him I said that...;)

I am mom and nothing replaces that.  The teachers at the CDC are there to TEACH my girls and help them grow as little people.  Hannah and CJ look to me to instill values, right and wrong, morals and to lead by example. My girls know I am mom and they know the CDC is a part of their day to teach them, to make new friends, to play and to, well, be kids.  In fact, my favorite part of the day is when I now come home to running feet and hearing the words MOMMY come out of their mouths.   

Whatever choice we make for our kids, is what's right for our families.  And as I get ready for bed, I rest knowing that the choice I have made is the right one for my family.